What is holding me back?

Today I met an ex-colleague for lunch. I was five minutes early, so started chatting to a Chinese girl, then told her to come get a coffee with me at the place I was meeting my mate. Grabbed her number when he arrived. Later I headed off after work to see a psychologist, and on my way back to the city, caught up with a couple wings. On the way I did an approach, girl turned out to be bitchy. With my wings, I did two approaches that went nowhere (first I wasn’t interested, second I ejected, wasn’t in the right headspace). We ran into Comatose, and whilst chatting one of my wings pointed out a flaunty blonde. Grabbed her number – too easy. 2s later saw a lovely Pakistani girl, and took her number, with a couple of tradies watching. Again, easy.

So six sets and three numbers, barely going out of my way to approach either. I can’t date that many girls.

Still I’m not getting laid as much as I should be.

Why? Approaching and number closing is not a problem for me (nightgame a different story, lets focus on daygame for the moment). The girls usually respond to my first txt (at least 90%). I come across sexual, I doubt I’m getting friend zoned. But somewhere between txting and f-closing I am losing girls. Where (at what stage) do these girls disappear off my radar.

The solution isn’t getting more numbers. The solution is working smarter. Figuring out my weaknesses, and sorting them out. Some ideas:

  • Txting… sometimes I try to do much, and lose the set
  • Bad logistics for first date. Ie She’s down to meet, but our schedules don’t align. I’m wary of seeming to needy, so I don’t push that hard (knowing that I can always get more numbers makes me put very little effort into meeting a girl I barely know… thats good and bad… its like an overabundance mentality!). So I’ll pursue a bit harder.
  • Shit date game. A big one for me I reckon, and will take a lot of work to improve. Probably fixed not through more dates but through just being more personable, more time being social. IE lots of time and effort to make up for 20 years of not being social.
  • Not putting enough effort in pursuing girls that I had an ‘only OK’ first date with (particularly when they’re just a quick coffee… I shouldn’t judge girls’ receptiveness after only an hour).

Would be great to get more feedback with my dategame. Escalate too fast? Too logical? Too boring? Not enough edge to my personality (ie too agreedable… nice guy syndrome). I don’t know.

I’ll start a spreadsheet to track my stats for every girl I close, to see at what point I don’t get laid the most. Maybe I’ll make a cool pie chart or something.

Worker smarter, not harder. Figure out your weaknesses and train them to be strengths. Words to live by.

I’d like to know other guys (at the same daygame level… roughly a strong intermediate) number to full close conversion ratio. I’ve had 6 daygame closes. Been daygaming for about 6 months. If we say on average 2.5 numbers per week , that is about 75 numbers. So my conversion rate is 1 in 12? TBH, I was expecting it to be higher, at least 1 in 20. I’ve probably taken way more than 75 numbers all up.


2 comments on “What is holding me back?

  1. I am running into a lot of these same issues. One thing you mentioned which I think is a good point is the fact that you know you can get numbers of other girls and date other girls pretty much whenever you want. This mindstate is good because you are not needy, however I’ve noticed in my case that if I am not incredibly interested in the girl, I completely lose any sense of urgency to close the girl… mind starts to wander about other girls and the opportunity cost of spending time with that girl and then the girl senses a loss of interest in her which causes her to lose attraction. This is one of the rare cases where an abundnance mindset holds people back in my opinion. Just my personal theory through daygame experience so take it with a grain of salt

    • Yes you are right, the abundance mentality stops you from pushing yourself with every girl. At the same time, it makes one less afraid of escalating, which is good I guess. Pros and cons.

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