One of my goals this year is to sort out my inner game. I’m not there yet.
Success in such a task is elusive. Most guys in the game learn to approach, develop confidence from an ‘abundance mentality’, and call it good. That was me last year. For the first time in my life, I was regularly banging multiple girls. With four girls on rotation – each and everyone one of them hotter than any girl I’d slept with at any point in my life – of course I was feeling confident.
Naive is me. I’d treated the symptoms, not the cause.
In a matter of weeks, all four girls – for various reasons – dropped out of rotation. I got busy with uni and didn’t have time to approach. As the week’s went by, I had a string of bad dates, which I failed to get anything out of. At the same time, I had an ego investment in being ‘a guy that pulls’. I started to get unsettled – ‘C’mon, I need another lay, where’s it gonna come from’ I’d think, much like an addict who’s run out of crack. I lowered my standards and pulled a couple of times, but it felt like pouring water into a leaky bucket.
To that end, I’ve been working on my inner game. Call it deep inner game. Trying to ferret out those issues that are buried under layers of detritus due to avoiding them in the first place. I’ve found two points that are inhibiting my self-worth.
- The belief that I’m not worth having people spend their time on helping me. I tend to suffer my problems in silence, thinking that people would not want to assist me, and that I should sort shit out on my own. Of course such an attitude is not all bad – its taught real self-reliance, but its a self-worth problem.
- I have the belief that I’m not an interesting person to talk to. This arose from me being extremely quiet and shy in my younger years. I could never think of something to say to people. If I did have something to say, I’d be cautious about expressing it, out of fear it wouldn’t be taken well.
Mission is to overcome these problems. Likely, other issues exist that I’m not consciously aware of yet. Inner reflection is important.
Right now I’m in another dry patch. But I feel alright about it; I don’t have the sense of urgency to slay new pussy that I had last year.