We all know its a no-no. Don’t shit where you eat.
Through one of my hobbies, I’ve met a girl (R) – just a friend (supposedly). We’ve hung out a fair bit over the last few months, and I’ve always felt that there’s some real tension between us. By the way, she has a boyfriend, which I met once.
I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with her, and is one of the few women I genuinely like having as a friend. I didn’t want to ruin that, and since she’s from my social circle, and has a boyfriend, gaming her is going to be a bad idea right?
Well, unfortunately I have a poor willpower. Last night, we caught up for a casual dinner, ostensibly to discuss some something that had come up. After dinner, we went to have a drink. I was quite open about what I do (i.e. PUA) to her – maybe more open than I’ve ever been to someone who’s not already doing it themselves.
The whole time, it felt like a date, and I was trying to decide whether or not to escalate. Honestly, it felt like it was ON, and if it had have been a real date, I would’ve been escalating very strongly. I started testing the waters, resting my hand on her leg, and holding her hand, which she accepted. Then I went for a kiss, and she started to go for it, and then stopped. She crossed her arms and just say looking forward, like she was trying to sort out her thoughts. We talked quite openly, and she told me that if it weren’t for her boyfriend, she’d have been keen.
This girl has been on my mind, and there’s some good learning points that have come from it.
- I have trouble saying no to things. This really annoys me – its why I also eat some much fucking junk food. Every time I go to the supermarket I HAVE to buy something.
- I feel really validated that R is into me. Way more than other girls that I meet through cold approach. This has made me realise something. With cold approach girls, I tend not to value them, because I feel that they are disposable. And what’s more, that they are in to me because of my ‘daygame’, not because of who I am. I think I sense, deep down, that if I met these daygame girls through normal life, that they wouldn’t be into me. That’s why I was so validated by her.
- I said before that I am ‘over’ sex with random girls, in the sense that I can live without, or say no to any particular girl. But I’m not over it in all circumstances. There’s something about the forbidden fruit of a) girls with boyfriends, and b) social circle girls that entices me.
So I want to overcome all of these. But in particular, (2) and (3) weren’t evident to me, prior to this date. My strategy is this:
- I need to put MYSELF out there. I don’t want to hide behind a mask of daygame. I think this point is largely in my head. My game is not particularly fake. But I need to make myself aware of this. I need to join my game and non-game selves, to make myself congruent.
- I need to meet more girls (as friends, or more) through social circle. I never had many close female friends, and when I did, I think one or both of us was into the other. Now I’m prepared to admit that a lot of the time, this is just how life is. Men and women don’t make great friends. Nonetheless, I think it’d be really helpful for me to make some female friends.